disentangle the matter. "If I cannot unravel matters, there will

always be time." and it was then that I, a man favoured by

fortune, hid a cord from myself lest I should hang myself from the

crosspiece of the partition in my room where I undressed alone

every evening, and I ceased to go out shooting with a gun lest I

should be tempted by so easy a way of ending my life. I did not

myself know what I wanted: I feared life, desired to escape from

it, yet still hoped something of it.