a means of improving my material position and of stifling in my

soul all questions as to the meaning of my own life or life in

I wrote: teaching what was for me the only truth, namely,

that one should live so as to have the best for oneself and one's

So I lived; but five years ago something very strange began to

happen to me. At first I experienced moments of perplexity and

arrest of life, and though I did not know what to do or how to

live; and I felt lost and became dejected. But this passed and I